I have always longed for the ability to immerse myself back into treasured memories. I yearn to readjust my perspective and see life through a childlike lens of wonder and joy. This is in contrast to the feelings that began to emerge as I grew older; I often felt ignored and overlooked during the challenges of growing up and adult life, which made me feel isolated and confused. Everything I held dear just began to fade away, slipping right before my eyes, almost as if it were a distant dream. Whenever I encounter these precious childhood images, my heart would pull and ache with an overwhelming sense of nostalgia. There is so much captured in those moments—endless love, radiant light, and pure, overflowing happiness. Looking at these pictures, I could clearly see two different individuals—the child I once was, and the person I have since become. I detached myself from that vibrant version of my childhood self, often mourning her absence and searching for traces of her in everything around me. I felt forever lost and perpetually stuck in a nostalgic state of never-ending longing. My mind would linger on thoughts of how desperately I wanted to return to those exact days, those moments frozen in the very photographs before me. I longed to re-live those experiences, wanting to witness them through the perspectives of others. I desired to see my young and naive self as she filled the room with genuine laughter and unfettered love. I wished I could squeeze and hold onto every last speck of these cherished memories as if they were my final breath of fresh air. I would have done absolutely anything to go back to that simpler time.
After a long and challenging period of trying to push myself to finally move forward, to genuinely get out of my comfort zone and to no longer hold myself back, I came to a significant realization. I was placing blame on all of these external sources for my struggles; however, in reality, I was the only one who was truly standing in my own way. It became essential for me to sit with myself and thoroughly analyze what it was I was doing and how my thoughts were shaping my experiences. I used to place this ideal version of myself on a pedestal, the girl I still longed to be: yet I often felt like a diluted, watered-down version of her. Nevertheless, I recognized that she was still very much a part of me. I had to come to terms with the fact that my past experiences do not define my worthiness as a person. I was living in the past, obsessively trying to fix things that simply no longer mattered in my life. I convinced myself to hold onto a negative narrative, allowing it to color everything around me. When the most random and unexpected events occurred, I would somehow find a way to perceive them through an anxious lens. I engaged in this behavior even though I was fully aware that it wasn’t benefiting my well-being. Sometimes, I think it's easier and more justifiable in our minds to revert back to this old, self-deprecating mindset because that’s what we know; therefore, it feels “safe” in a certain sense.
I caught myself in this predicament and thought about what would happen if I just let go of all this weight I have been carrying. If I’m this adult and I'm truly in control of my own life now, what would happen if I simply forgave myself, allowing for personal growth? What if I consciously acknowledged my past experiences and put them aside, choosing to move forward? What if I were to stop constantly worrying about what others think of me, thereby overcoming the limitations I have imposed on myself? What if I took a moment to readjust my perspective and lens, allowing myself to truly see and appreciate the authentic beauty that exists in the world around us? What if, by making this small shift, I could also embrace and embody that beauty within myself? It is a point of view that I can embrace on my own. Finally, I envision a time where I can exist independently, embracing and unconditionally being myself without fear of consequences or judgment from others.
It gives me a great sense of strength and empowerment to be so open and vulnerable when sharing my deep, personal, and meaningful stories. This practice is vital to strengthening our unique connection as both artist and reader. This bond is crucial to our shared human experience and greatly enhances our lives in many meaningful ways. This deep connection fuels my creativity and offers vital support, supporting me to remain strong and find my inner strength in difficult moments. I aim to create art that resonates profoundly with both myself and with others, hoping to evoke emotions and thoughts that spark greater understanding and empathy among us all. Through a variety of events, mediums, and artistic expressions, my storytelling and the umbrella of emotions I express serve as a powerful outlet for connection and reflection. Being truly seen and genuinely heard, as I share my experiences and perspectives, is my primary goal in this artistic journey. If you can see yourself reflected in my work, even in a small way, I am sincerely grateful for that moment of connection. In creating my art, I acknowledge and appreciate all those who understand and genuinely connect with it, as this allows us to share a precious moment of unity where we are all together in understanding and emotion. Thank you wholeheartedly for taking the time to engage with my posts, share your thoughts, and for being an integral part of this meaningful journey.
