My Laundry

I made a performance piece called "My Laundry" inspired by a vivid childhood memory. The memory was from a tough time in my youth when I couldn't find comfort from my parents. I found peace sitting in a purple laundry basket near their room, surrounded by their clothes. These clothes became a calming place for me as a child, showing my tendency to find comfort in things. During a recent lonely holiday, I felt drawn to a pile of clean laundry on my couch, reminding me of that childhood memory. I laid down in the clothes, seeking solace and grappling with old feelings of vulnerability and longing that connected my past to my present. 

Don't Look at Me

Inspired by my experiences growing up without feeling in control, ‘Don’t Look At Me’ was born from my sense of being objectified. From a young age, I noticed how others, especially men, viewed me and my changing body. I noticed my purity fading, replaced by a perception of 'inviting trouble,' Despite my innocence, I deeply resisted this transition into womanhood, feeling misunderstood and isolated. I could only hear how people saw and perceived me; their opinions echoing louder than my own thoughts. Yet, I had no real connection to the persona I was portraying, and this disconnect spiralled into a profound sense of emptiness, where my true identity remained difficult to find. 

For this project, I dressed up boldly and playfully to record myself. I fully embraced the moment, expressing myself freely. I paused the video to capture genuine emotions and spontaneous expressions with each pose. By pretending the camera wasn't there and enjoying my own company, I entered a space where my fears disappeared. I let go of self-doubt and just existed. Through this openness, I discovered strength and revealed a new side of myself - a confident woman unafraid of being seen.

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Growing up Without my Permission

I created a venerable photographic series that intertwines black and white photographs as a representation of my present self/body with memorable childhood photographs. This creation served as a powerful outlet for me to articulate the profound shame that heavily influenced my formative years as a woman. The weight of familial expectations compelled me to suffocate my true essence, resulting in an extreme disconnection from my sexuality.

This series weaves together elements of my past and present. Anxiety, depression and shame, heavily influenced and took over my life. I was hyperaware of myself and my being at a young age. I was surrounded by negative opinions and reminders that never let me forget my role of being a young woman. My body learned to always be in a state of fight or flight. I became a severely anxious person and I developed an extreme fear of being seen. As I got older embracing my sexuality felt wrong, it felt wrong because those around me were disgusted by it. As I continued to physically grow, I felt more and more repulsive. I hated my reflection. I never felt or knew who I was. I could only hear and see the constant opinions of what other’s would say to me. I learned to survive by disguising myself according to my new environments. However I rejected myself in every possible way, because that’s what felt safe. Yet my body never felt safe, it was always up for discussion. It was blamed and it became my ‘fault’, my now new burden. I just so badly wanted to feel like a kid again. I wanted to live in the past. I could not fathom how I was still the same me but others could no longer see me. I was utterly alone. I could not bare the thought of being ‘seen’ because when I was I became the ‘problem’. I operated everyday to please everyone around me but myself. Throughout this intensely emotional and yet therapeutic process, I visually displayed my feelings of how I felt living as a burden. How I wanted to detach from myself.

Whilst living on my own I decided I no longer had to live in this endless shame cycle. I wanted to live and love myself to the fullest. I knew I was the only person who could help me. I had to learn to let go of everything that could and would no longer serve me. I needed to shift into the woman I always wanted to be. A woman who my younger self would be effortlessly proud of. I have come so far and I will always carry on for her. I have now embarked on my own journey to discover and love myself unconditionally.

Thank you for reading this, I am eternally grateful.

Maeve

Growing Pains

This is my representation of how I felt growing up as a young girl. I wanted to address my feelings and add twists on the meanings of situations I experienced. The raspberry stains signify the embodiment of becoming a woman, marking the onset of maturity and womanhood. The white dress addresses how the concept of "purity" has been stained and therefore vanished from the body, reflecting the complexities of societal expectations. At such a tender age, we experience the profound emotional burden of womanhood, grappling with feelings of loneliness, frustration, and the pervasive sense of being misunderstood and objectified.

You are now seen as a sexual object, and from a young age, society perceives your body as capable of bringing life into the world. The biology of your period involves the shedding of your uterine wall every month, a process that is often interpreted as a "failure" to get pregnant during ovulation. This inherent bodily function comes with unnecessary existential pain, accompanied by feelings of guilt and shame for simply bleeding. Society imposes a sense of disgust upon you, despite the fact that this very process is the reason why all of us exist. In reality, menstruation is a natural part of human nature, bringing forth the precious gift of life.

Men have always been vocal about their negative views on periods, dating back to childhood when bringing up the topic was considered impolite. As adults, their use of words like 'disgusting' and engaging in irrelevant conversations about it has been utterly upsetting. It's disheartening to witness this behavior from grown adults. Many women I know have shared similar encounters. Nevertheless, I have chosen to find humor in these situations and incorporate them into my work by playfully embracing messy, raw emotions. This led me to include scenes in my piece where I joyfully indulge in berries, striving to reshape the perceived 'disgusting' nature of periods into a sensual display of power. This particular element played a crucial role in the overall project, serving as a poignant reflection of society's discomfort with the natural processes of the female body.

Film projects

Last Year, 2022

My short film “Last Year” is a thoughtful combination of Personal Narrative and Documentary style filmmaking.

Set exactly a year ago, this project utilizes a selection of archival film clips that I recorded during my time living in Macau. It also intertwines moments from my childhood home videos, creating a rich and layered narrative that showcases a greater sense of connection to my past. My primary goal was to offer the audience a deeper understanding of my life prior to the significant and life-altering decision to uproot everything and relocate to Vancouver on my own. Through this film, I hope to powerfully convey the emotions, experiences, and transformative moments that have profoundly shaped my journey.